New Year's Resolutions
by what am I doing
Summary: This is the story formerly known as THE SECRET DIARY OF HERMIONE GRANGER. Hermione has made a very interesting New Year's resolution. Will she be able to keep it? What will her friends think? Mostly, what is the real reason she is doing this?
1. OK, I can do this

**From The Secret Diary of Hermione Granger:_  
New Year's Resolutions_**

F_inally remembered to put in a disclaimer, so here it is! **  
**_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own what isn't mine. (so pretty much nothing I write, since I'm not creative enough to come up with my own characters) :)__

Read, review, (**_constructive_** criticism welcome) and enjoy!

_**Chapter 1**_

**Jan. 1**

10 pm

Ok. Am normal, boy-loving, school-hating teenage girl. Right. As my new year's resolution, I have resolved to reveal the other side of me, the New Hermione Granger. No longer will I memorize textbooks, no longer will I willingly speak up in class, not longer will people forget that I'm actually a 16-and-a-half year old girl (like Ron did that one time. I was 14 then, but whatever). Ok, deep breath. I can do this.

**Jan. 3**

_8:30 AM_

Sitting in history of magic. Goblin rebellions v. interesting. (Note to self: go to library after class look up the uprising of Henry the Horrific and his Hairy Helpers.) WAIT! NO! STOP! This isn't right. Am not supposed to like H of M.

Just glanced around at everyone.

Hmm, everyone else is either sleeping or looking rather dazed. Possible that they are high. Well, am not tired and have no drugs. How am I supposed to NOT pay attention? This is going to be harder than I thought. Must remember to ask Ron and Harry about it, seeing as they are the experts in this area… Where is Harry, anyway? Oh, yes. Have sneaking suspicion, but hope I am wrong…

_ 12:00 Noon_

Found Harry, looking rather rumpled, dazed and extremely happy; confirming my suspicions. He was making out with Ginny.

Again.

They've only been going out for about a month and I have already caught them going at it in no less than ten different places around the school, including MY wardrobe. (yeah, little bit grossed out by that. Had to wash all my clothes.) Why they were there, and how they got there I don't know and am not sure if I want to find out. Of course, am very happy for both of them, seeing as they have finally found "true happiness" (as they put it), but wasn't aware that "true happiness" was quite so loud and sweaty. Oh well, according to Ginny there are lots of things like that that I'm rather ignorant of, and proceeded to explain some of the finer points. Was v. pissed off that I was being "educated" by a girl a year younger than me. Told her to shove it, and that I am much more experienced than she gave me credit for (may have exaggerated slightly on what experience that I actually have) (which is none, so I extrapolated, not exaggerated) (whatever). Anyway, all she did was snort skeptically, give me an indulging look, and walked away. Will admit that I was very tempted to bitch-slap her at the time, but refrained. Now wish I had indulged in bitch-slapping urges. It doesn't help that Ginny's getting her "experience" from my best friend, who, contrary to popular belief, I do NOT like. Not even a little bit. He's to skinny, he's a pushover, and he's got a bit of a "saving people" thing. Not to mention I am discovering lately that he has some pent-up hormones that apparently need to be expressed. Possibly due to his utter celibacy up to this point, although I wasn't aware that he was so needy. Apparently he is, as Ginny as so thoughtfully revealed to me. Hmm, maybe it's not to late to have a little bitch-slapping session…


	2. What's so funny?

_**Chapter 2**_

4:30 pm

It's not that I don't like Ginny, I love her to death. She's just a little full of herself these days. Apparently, she's full of Harry as well. Feel free to take that statement in whatever connotation your dirty mind allows you to choose.

On a different note, I had a rather shitty afternoon. I told Angelina about my new resolution, hoping that she would be able to take me seriously and maybe even help me. We've grown rather close lately and I assumed that she understood how I was feeling. Lets just say that you know what happens when you assume something….ummm…well you just shouldn't do it.

She laughed until she realized I was serious. Actually, she still laughed. Shot her the Hermione Glare of Death (one of my specialties). However, the laughter continued, even after I threatened to hex her. My feeble protests and pleas for seriousness were to no avail, she wouldn't shut up! In my rage, I yanked out my wand and slapped a good old _Petrificus Totalus _on her.That shut her up (hah!). Almost too well. It took me a minute to realize that the reason why she couldn't breathe and was turning blue wasn't from shock, but because I had sealed her mouth shut and she had a bit of a sinus infection. Hastily unsealing her mouth for her, I waited while she coughed and spluttered her way back into normal oxygen flow. "Why?" she asked incredulously, when she could breathe normally again, "what's wrong with you now?" I was a little pissed off by all of this. I had hoped to reply with some scathing remark (still have no idea what), but unfortunately I opened my mouth and the whole thing just sort of came out. "Why not? Aren't I allowed to be a girl too? Do people even realize that I'm a girl and have just as many girly feelings as everybody else? Why does everyone always ask ME for help? Why am I the one who people only want to sit next to so they can get the answers? Am I a girl or a walking dictionary? I think I can answer that one. I'm sick of it! And then, when I turn to someone who I hope can understand what I'm going through and can take me seriously and HELP ME, she laughs in my face! So you know what, Angelina? Screw it! FORGET IT! I never mentioned it." With that dainty little remark (insert sarcastic tone here), I turned on my heel and stormed up to my dormitory, leaving Angelina standing stock still (now realize it was because she was still frozen) with her mouth agape. So here I am, sulking. I suppose I should be happy; blowing up at my friend for a misunderstanding and storming off is very new-Hermione of me. Also I am PMS-ing slightly, but have never let that affect me before (besides, it adds to the new-Hermione aspect of this). The old Hermione would have not even mentioned it to Angelina (the resolution, not the PMS) and the entire conversation would have been about Arithmancy or a new spell. I'm keeping my resolution, aren't I? So why am I not happy? Hmph. Got to go, must do potions homework.

11:00pm

Angelina just came in. Apparently she got Parvati to un-freeze her about a half hour after I left. Oops. Anyway, she said that she's really sorry and that if I still want her help, she would be willing to help me. Had to take a minute to mull this over. I gazed at her thoughtfully Was she just BS-ing me? Or did she genuinely want to help? Would she take me seriously or make fun of me? I glanced at her again. I could tell she really wanted to do this for me. Why, who knows. Maybe she thought it would be fun. Oh shit, maybe she felt bad for me. Maybe she though I was a charity case and was doing this out of the goodness of her heart. Maybe she had other motives of which no one but her was aware of. Well, can't think on it anymore, she's staring at me like I've gone completely insane. Oh well, here it goes. Deep breath. "Sure, Angelina, you can help me."

ACK! Make the shrieking stop! She's jumping around my room like a mad hinkypunk!

"Really? You're serious? Yay! We'll start tomorrow! And, by the way, what are you writing!"

Uh oh.


	3. You look different

_**Chapter 3**_

**Jan. 4**

8:00 am

Sitting in Potions. Already finished the assignment, and did homework.

Still a bit shell shocked from the morning's endeavors. So Angelina comes storming in my room at, oh, about FIVE O'CLOCK AM, throwing curtains up and lighting lamps around the dorm. Parvati and Lavender, my dorm-mates, shout sleepy, half-hearted protests against the sudden barrage of light and noise "Get up!" Angelina yelled, "we've got to get an early start on you if you're gonna be ready in time for class!" She dragged me out of my nice, warm, cozy bed (interrupting my rather pleasant dream) and plopped me down in front of my rarely-used vanity. Apparently she had been in even before I was so rudely awakened, because the surface of the vanity was cluttered with various brightly colored cases and jars. Angelina came to stand behind me, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror in front of us. "Ready?" she said with a devilish grin. I was getting a little bit nervous. "What exactly are you planning on doing to me?" I inquired. Apparently this was a mistake, for she launched into an explanation of exactly what was wrong with my current appearance. "Well, Hermione, for starters you don't give as much thought into your appearance as you should. You just wake up and put on whatever you find…"

"Now Angelina, I don't know if you've heard, but that's kind of the whole point of school uniforms."

"SILENCE! Do you want me to do this for you or not? That's what I thought. Now pay attention. You just throw your hair up into a bun, or don't do anything at all with it and let it just sort of fly every which way. That's the first thing we're going to work on." She commenced opening cases, unscrewing lids, and uncorking small bottles, some of which were smoking suspiciously. While she worked, she proceeded to give me a psychological evaluation, something I didn't know she was capable of.

"Another issue we need to address with you is your attitude. Now, you're quite smart, obviously, but you tend to act below your age emotionally…"

(really, that's interesting)

"…you tend to think of yourself as younger than you actually are…"

(and what makes you think this?)

"…I've seen it. You have to realize that you are just as old and just as mature as everybody else in your age…"

(I'll show you who's emotionally immature! How dare you come in and psychoanalyze me like this!)

Maybe it comes from hanging out with boys so much, they tend to be a bit below us emotionally…"

(well that's true)

Anyway, you get the idea. Apparently people forget that I'm actually the same age as everybody else because I act immature. Funny, I always thought everybody else acted immature. Ironic, isn't it? To add to it all, while this little analysis was occurring, she was doing some very strange stuff with my appearance. By the time it was time to go to breakfast, I was dolled up almost beyond recognition, even though Angelina claimed that I was just wearing "the basics" in makeup, etc. She even picked out an outfit for me to wear (which I don't understand, all my clothes are the same) (again, the whole point of a uniform) but she said that it did make a difference. Whatever. So I went down to breakfast and sat down next to Harry, like normal. He had to do a double-take before he recognized me, but it finally got through to him. "Wow, Hermione, you look…you look…differentI mean, you always look alright, but today you just look… I don't know… different."

Come on, Harry, _vocabulary._

Should I be concerned? If all Harry can think of is "different", maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. But then again, since when do I care what Harry thinks about how I look? He's a guy, for crying out loud. They know nothing. As Angelina said, they're a little below us emotionally. But still, it's Harry. You'd think that he'd be able to come up with something better than "different". Ginny leaned over and whispered something in his ear. He looked back at her, confused. Ginny sighed, kissed him on the cheek, and added, "What we mean is that you look great today, Herm."

Ok, well that's a little better. Thank you Ginny for being Harry's voice, as usual. So anyway that was that, and other than getting very curious looks from the majority of the student body, nothing else significant has occurred. Still not sure how I feel about the little breakfast exchange. Oh well.

Oops, got to go. Professor Snape just caught me writing. This could be bad.


	4. Invitations

_**Chapter 4**_

_Sorry this one's a little short, it's mostly to set the scene for chapter 5!_

_Read, review, and ENJOY! _

_4:30 pm_

Have detention. Have to clean bathrooms down the hall from the potions dungeon in 2 weeks. Argh. Well, at least Snape didn't throw my diary into my potion, that would have been rather bad. Would have been pity to ruin a perfectly good potion. (suppose diary would have been destroyed also, not so good) Think I may have hexed him if he had.

ACK! Just thought about attacking a teacher! What's happening to me! (On second thought, maybe this is a good thing- v. New Hermione of me)

People still giving me strange, questioning looks. Seamus came up to me after charms, whistled, and asked, "Who ate Hermione?" VERY nearly cursed him. Find that I'm in a very hexing/cursing sort of mood today, possibly because I appear as though _I_ have been hexed, a girly-sort of hex. Hope it wears off soon (the strange looks and comments, not the girly hex). On the bright side, found out this morning that there is a surprise Hogsmeade trip tomorrow. Maybe will get a chance to visit Creigh. Z. Scribbles' Wizarding Bookstore, have a few extra galleons burning a hole in my robes. :)

Hey, here comes Angelina. I wonder what she wants…

_Few minutes later_

I've been invited to eat lunch with Angelina, Parvati, Katie Bell, Lavender, and the rest of the Griffindor "elite" tomorrow at the Three Broomsticks. Not sure how I feel about this. Strangely nervous, even though have known all of them since first year.

Wait, here comes Harry, rumpled as usual. Probably fresh from a Ginny session in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom (their current location of choice). How they can stand the noise is beyond me. It seems like it would ruin the mood to have a teenage ghost sobbing in the background. Maybe they can't hear her? Trying not to speculate to much on that. Must go, he wants to talk. Hmm.

_10:00 pm_

Was wrong. Harry not fresh from Ginny session. Apparently they just had their first real fight (one that wasn't just for the make-up kissing) (hope they're not quite at make-up _sex_ yet) . Harry surprisingly distraught. Guess Ginny said some rather nasty things to him about how he's not considerate about other people's feelings, which is so typical for a boy, but she had expected better from him. She said that he just said whatever came out of his mouth, rather than thinking about what the person wanted to hear. He also apologized for the breakfast incident. Told him nothing to apologize for, but he said he still felt bad and wants to make it up to me by spending tomorrow afternoon with me (have always suspected he may have a guilt complex). He went on to say that it feels like we haven't done anything together in ages, and he wants to catch up with one of his best friends. (wonder how long it took him to come up with all the complex words in that speech) Well, no matter, as have agreed to go on said outing. Feeling quite excited and even slightly more nervous about tomorrow. Don't know why, possible because haven't talked to Harry in a bit and he will probably have some snide comment to make about my new appearance. Yes that must be it.

MMM I keep yawning. Must just figure out what I'm going to wear tomorrow and then off to bed. Have a feeling will need lots of energy for tomorrow. Plus extra beauty sleep always helpful. :)

_Finished reading? Please review, as it inspires me to update quicker! (constructive criticism welcome)_

_chapter 5 coming soon! _


	5. Lunch with the Gryffindor Elite

_**Chapter 5**_

**Jan. 5**

_8:00 am_

Argh. Just woke up. Was having v. pleasant dream about snogging someone (not entirely sure who, but he looked vaguely familiar) when alarm spell went off and little fireworks started going off around the space inside my bed curtains. V. annoying, must remember to fix that. Stumbled around bleary-eyed for a bit before suddenly realizing that it is not, in fact, a school day. In other words, I remembered that it's a Hogsmeade day and, from the looks of it, it's going to be a rather interesting one.

_few minutes later_

Made a mad dash for the showers as I woke up with a bit of a sniffle and do not want to make it worse by being the last one and having a cold shower. One would think that someone could just enchant our ancient, rusty boiler so that it never ran out of hot water, but apparently they think this would make us lazy. Don't worry, I don't really understand that one either. So anyway, dashed to the girls bathroom, got a quick (but blissfully hot) shower, dashed back here, and am now staring blankly into the mirror, trying to decide what to do with this mop that has permanently attached itself to the top of my head. Do I wear it up? Nah, too preppy. Do I leave it down? Hmm, possibility. Straight or curly? Well, straight is far too much work, and its snowing outside so it would just go curly in about two seconds anyway. So I guess that narrows it down to curly. Ugh. I look like Shirley Temple on crack. (Yes, I have muggle parents, I know who Shirley Temple is.)

Hmm. Just rummaged through the drawers of my vanity. Found some rather pretty hair clips, little green and blue sparkly ones. Maybe will use those. Hey, that doesn't look so bad. I almost look…good. Wow. That's new. Well, knowing my luck, I probably put some experimental curse on these first year and I'll wake up tomorrow with mushrooms sprouting out of my ears. Am willing to risk it.

Oh shit! Just looked at the time, am nearly 10 minutes late!

_12:30 pm_

Just finished lunch w/ the "elite" as I like to call them. Rather interesting. I was previously unaware that it was possible to talk for an entire hour and a half of nothing but boys, clothes, boys, shopping, and oh, did I mention boys? Learned some very interesting things, however. For example, did you know that one can make out with no less than three different guys and then chat openly about it over lunch? Have a feeling that if I ever made out with even one guy I would _never _mention it to this group or I'd never hear the end of it. They actually asked me if I'd ever even been kissed before. Had to feign a coughing attack (well sort of feign, I really do have a rather nasty cough, which is convenient because it sounded very convincing) and run for water. When I got back, they continued chatting amongst themselves for a while before once again turning on me. It's rather disconcerting when they do that. Am curious if they intended to catch me off guard. (perhaps they think it's funny) One would certainly think so by watching them. They would let me eat in silence while discussing the above mentioned topics with each other, then with mind-boggling unity would swing their heads towards me, where I would inevitably be caught with various foods hanging half out of my mouth. They then proceeded to interrogate me about Harry, of all people. Argh. Can't recall the number of conversations I've had with various people about this. Some people are incredibly immature. Ooh! Harry and Hermione don't hate each other! They spend so much time together, they must be dating because there's no possible way that a guy and a girl could be _just friends! _Had to explain to them (once again) that Harry and I are not going out, never have, and never will. And no, I _am not _in love with him. Yet, for some reason this time I said it, it sounded futile and meaningless and I felt almost guilty for saying it. I'm sure that its just because I've said it so often that it's lost meaning. You know how if you have to tell a story or an excuse over and over that it just turns into empty words? Yeah that's me.

So finally lunch was finished and everyone went their separate ways. My way just happened to be over to Creigh Z. Scribbles (my favorite bookstore in the world), which is where I am now. It's pleasantly peaceful and quiet just sitting between the rows, surrounded by books. Quite a relief from the mad, hectic, loud, and rather stressful lunch. (Though could certainly go for another cup of butterbeer, the stuff's delicious)

Hmm, as reluctant as I am to move from my extremely nice, cozy spot, I really better go. Will have to rush as it is to make it to the Shrieking Shack on time to meet Harry.


	6. Of snowstorms, sickness, and sad stories

_**Chapter 6**_

_4:45 PM_

Well, that was one of the most interesting and confusing afternoons I've had in a rather long time. So good to talk to Harry again, just like old times. Well, almost like old times. This time there was something subtly…(well, to quote Harry)… different. Not really sure what it was. Maybe it's just the butterbeer getting to me. Or my cold medicine. Anyhow, to recount:

Finally convinced myself to move from my excessively cozy spot in the book store. The manager was rather angry when I left without buying anything, since I'd spent a good hour in there reading. Oh well, he may just have to deal with it. Stepping outside, I stopped for a minute and inhaled (unfortunately causing a small cough attack from the cold, wet air). It was really quite wonderful outside. It was snowing, but not just any type of snow. It was that enchanting sort of snow where flakes the size of your eyes drift down lazily around you, hiding the world from you and creating a sense of serene privacy, even though you're standing in the middle of town. After standing on the doorstep for a few seconds, I started walking towards our meeting place. It's always in the same place. There's a spot overlooking the Shrieking Shack that few people except Harry, Ron and I seem to know about. I smiled as I made out a familiar figure through the falling snow. As I approached, however, my smile faded. I could tell even from a distance that there was something very wrong. I can't figure out how I knew, can't quite put my finger on it. Nonetheless was absolutely certain there was something amiss when he turned around and I saw his face. His eyes were glazed over and his jaw was clenched, his cheeks had that funny pinkish-grey blotchy color that someone gets when they're trying to hold in really strong emotions. "Harry!" I said, quite concerned, "What's wrong?"

"Ginny broke up with me." He replied through clenched teeth. "She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her."

I was speechless- filled with a mix of shock and pity and some other really confusing emotions that I can't quite place.

"She said…she s-said…",he continued, "she said that it was obvious that I d-d-didn't feel the same way about her as she did ab-about me. Why would she say that? What did I do?"

And so he went on for about 45 minutes. Apparently Ginny felt that Harry hadn't been the same lately, that he had been distracted by something (or someone) else. She had told him that she had thought about it for a while, and that Harry needed to sort out his feelings, and when he was done dealing with his issues to come back and talk to her.

All I could do was walk beside him as he wandered aimlessly around the parameter of the Shack. Finally, he stopped and looked at me, seemingly as though he had just realized I was there. "Thanks for listening, Herm, you're a true friend, ya know that? And you know what else? I realize now that I'm actually not all that sad that Ginny and I broke up. I mean, I don't know, it's just not as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe she has a point. I guess my heart just…wasn't in it." he said as he gave me a warm hug (Which was extremely pleasant, since I was freezing and my cough seemed to be worsening). Actually, that hug was so sweet and comforting and secure, for just a minute I wondered if the crazy girls of the "Elite" had a point. _What if _Harry and I…

Nah, never. That would be _way_ too weird.

But still…

_Finished reading? **Review, please**! (if for no other reason, it makes me want to update faster) (hah! little bribery there!)_

_Constructive criticism welcome:-) _

_Next chapter hopefully on its way. Don't worry, I haven't abandoned this fic! You try being a 17 year old at the end of her junior year in high school and trying to finish a fic. Not easy. 8)_


	7. Ick, very sick

_**Chapter 7**_

**Jan. 6**

_1:00 PM _

Ick. V. Sick. Definitely should not have gone out yesterday. My little cough has turned into a full blown cold. However, unfortunately for me, I don't just get normal colds that can be cured with a dose of pepperup potion. Oh no, when I get sick, I get _really_ sick. Woke up this morning feeling like my head, sinuses, and lungs were all going to explode. Somehow managed to pry myself out of bed and totter the near quarter of a mile to the infirmary, motivated by the prospect of some of Madame Pomfrey's magical remedies, only to be sorely disappointed. I did learn a bit more about magical medicine, though. Apparently it's not good to cure every little cold with magic, because your body doesn't get a chance to build up an immunity. So Madame Pomfrey informed me that every 4th cold a student gets, she simply sends them back to bed with a supply of tissues and chamomile tea. While this is fascinating, it's not fun to hear when you feel like you're on death's door. She walked me back to the dorm, made me some tea, and sent for a house elf to bring me some soup for lunch (I slept through breakfast). Immediately protested, seeing as I am completely against the servitude of the house elfs, but was far to exhausted to argue for long. With a few final touches on the extra blanket, Madame left me to my own devices, which are pretty much limited to me sitting here staring at my reflection in my vanity. Why the hell did I put it right across from my bed? I wonder this every time I'm sick, and still I never move it. Ah, well, humans are creatures of habit. Hmm, I've been here for nearly 2 hours and Angelina hasn't come in to see me yet. Some friend. She didn't even…

_2:30 PM_

Have had a revelation. Will go back to the beginning.

I dozed off while writing my last entry. Don't even remember what I was going to write, but it wasn't important. I woke up a few minutes later to find Harry sitting on the end of my bed reading my Ancient Runes book. He smiled when I woke up, immediately being replaced by a look of concern. "How are you feeling?" he asked urgently, "Are you going to be ok?"

"I'm fine (cough cough hack hack)." I proceeded to explain to him what Madame Pomfrey had told me earlier. He looked rather angry. Had to tell him to calm down and that it made perfect sense from the medical point of view. I had a simple case of sinusitis combined with a slight inflammation of the bronchial airways. Nothing to fear at all. He smiled this weird, crooked smile and said, "Hey, look, my old Hermione's back".

"What's that supposed (hack hack sniffle) to mean?" I demanded. He got a rather uncomfortable look on his face.

"It's just that, well, you haven't been the same this past week. Its like you suddenly changed into one of the dumb popular girls. I dunno, maybe I'm just imagining it. Anyway, when you were just explaining all that medical junk to me it was like I got a glimpse of normal Hermione, ya know? That's all."

_Oh. _

"Umm, I don't know what you're talking about, Harry. (cough hack) I mean, maybe this thing with Ginny just kinda threw ya through a loop and your head started (sniffle cough) making up all this random stuff." He got quiet. "Yeah, maybe you're right" he said in a small, rather sad voice, "anyway, you better, um, get some rest. Maybe I'll be back later if I have some time. See ya later."

And with that, he left.

I stared at my reflection for several minutes, in complete torment on what had happened. A pale, red-nosed, bushy-haired girl stared back at me. This is the first day in a week that I haven't done anything to my appearance. Yet I don't care at all. What have I done? I wanted to be like everybody else, hoping that more people would see me for who I am. But that's not who I am at all. That person, the New Hermione, was just a selfish, insecure girl who cared too much about what others thought of her. I wanted new friends, but now I've gone and alienated the only true friend I ever had. Angelina's not really my friend, she hasn't even checked on me. Well, she's a friend, but she's nothing compared to Harry. Why did I have to lie to him? Why couldn't I just have told him the truth about this whole thing, we could have had a good laugh and moved on. But no, I couldn't admit that I was that concerned about how the world saw me. I wasn't able to admit that I was wrong. But maybe there's hope. Maybe I can still make things right. I gathered my strength and clamored out of bed. Teetering over to the vanity, I swept all of the beauty confections atop it off into an old canvas bag lying nearby. I put all the appliances, jars, tubes, brushes, and other various items into the bag. I didn't stop until the entire vanity was completely bare, back to the way it used to be. I heaved the bag (as it was quite heavy) over to the door to return to Angelina as soon as possible. Finally, I sank back down in bed, totally exhausted but feeling lighter, cleansed. The New Hermione was banished, and now it was just me. Now all I can hope is that I can make Harry understand the same thing.


End file.
